Why do we hide behind our smiles, is it because when we wear these people don't ask the question about what might be troubling us, is it because we are scared to say it out loud for fear those asking might not like what they hear, or is it just easier to pretend that life is OK and continue doing what we are doing for fear of rejection.....
I know this on a personal scale for a long time I wore a smile as a cover (and still do), to smile made the illusion that I had my shit together, all while on the inside my mind was screaming at me, my heart racing, and trying to remember to breath and stay relaxed was hard whilst not trying to look terrified or better yet get that constipated face. Yet over the years before I had become a somewhat expert of doing this I had let those extreme dark thoughts get to me, I started to head down that path of no return and whilst doing this I
was covering up how I really felt with again that smile, bubbly personality and well life of the party, but no one picked up on the excessive drinking, the self sabotage I was doing to myself, if only I had of let someone know just how much that smile was a smoke blind and that I needed help.
I managed to hide this so well, that at the time whilst still in the defence force no one had picked up on this dark torment not even the 2 different shrinks that I had to see, because as much as I wanted to say something again I was fearful of what they would think and better yet what they would do, no way did I want to be put in ward 17 ( a military psych ward) so I wore my superpower everyday and suppressed how I felt because to be honest meant being labelled and word traveled fast in those environments there would be no hiding it then.
Fast forward 15 years and I'm still wearing that same smile, people say they are there but are they really there? They have there own lives, there own issues and I'm sure people only say " I'm here for you, anytime you need" because they want to seem like they care, but as soon as they walk away, your at the bottom of there list, they don't want to deal with you and your mental health, or is that just me / us getting into our own heads and creating this scenario, using self talk to make us feel like we have no one, that on one will truly want to listen? Sometimes we have to tell that little voice in our head to FUCK OFF and SHUT UP! because at the end of the day, sometimes we just need to take a chance and go with it.
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